Tell her she can't have a vagina
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
