he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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