i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
