I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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