Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
