hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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