There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
NoShamevember. You game?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
he had hair everywhere except his balls
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
