Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
