see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
