i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
