Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
