i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
