So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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