part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
