I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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