morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
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It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
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He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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