We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
