Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
