69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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