ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
