I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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