I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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