you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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