For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
