It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 ðŸžðŸ·
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
