So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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