I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize