I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
