two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
