It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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