I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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