she is the kim kardashian of front butts
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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