i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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