I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She's the barista slut.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
