All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
