first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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