this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
