are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
