She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
