Nicole vs. Life
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
