dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
