Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
