if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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