you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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