he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
