We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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