I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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