Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
