Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Still dying that you shit outside
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
