this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
