I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
