My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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