This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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