She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
