Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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