he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
