TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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