If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
