no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
