I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
