I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
