her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
