Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Apparently you make a good broom.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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