he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
