Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
