you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
