I hate your face
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
