My first STD was from a foam party
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
