come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
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and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
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Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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