haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
