I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
