I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize