Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
