You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize