I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
BRING THE BAGELS
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
