D3 body, D1 cock
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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